Take a moment and picture your perfect writing session: in your house, a candle on your desk casting a cozy ambiance…or maybe you’re tucked inside a café, the whir of espresso machines providing a lively soundtrack. Wherever you are, words are gliding from your imagination onto the page.
Now think back to your last writing session. Did reality match the fantasy?
For many writers, it doesn’t—though admitting it stings. When your work fails to meet your standards, it’s easy to spiral into the comparison game. Disappointment is a natural part of the creative process, but if it often paralyzes you from creating, perfectionism may be at play. Here are some ways you can untangle your perfectionism and restore your writing relationship from hate to fate.
Too Heavy on the Chemistry
We all know ideals are rarely realistic. So why do we feel so heavy when ideas fizzle out?
Leigh Bardugo attributes this to romanticization. “Our culture doesn’t really teach us how tough creativity is,” she tells The Happy Writer. The media portrays creativity as “big bursts of inspiration,” when in reality, writing “means sitting with the discomfort of something not living up to your expectations for a very long time.”
Simply put, writing is uncomfortable. We crave the thrill of “big bursts” and polished drafts, but the majority of writing is slow. Messy. It means holding a mirror up to our souls and our lives; confronting the reality that we have a vision but may not have the knowledge, skills, or time to achieve it yet.
It’s Okay—Healthy, Even!—To Take Some Time Apart
In “Writers Weigh in on Their Messy Routines,” Emma Geary confesses that sometimes she just writes journal entries. Producing something so low-key can feel discouraging, like you’re losing connection to real writing. But Emma states, “sometimes you need to do the living, feeling and experiencing to sharpen your perspective and what you’d like to say.”
You’re a human being with experiences and relationships outside of being a writer. Remembering to live your own story gives you space to cultivate self-awareness and find inspiration in unexpected places—tools that can help you fight perfectionism in your writing relationship.
Oftentimes, You Have To Get It Wrong To Get It Right
Taking a break can restore your creative well, but it’s not exactly helpful in the whirlwind. When your deadline is looming and, as Clementine Ford puts it, “your brain is screaming this is shit this is shit why are you doing this to me can we just stop????”
Instead of stopping, Richard Mirabella concentrates on what his writing relationship needs the most in that moment. “My first drafts are really, really bad,” he admits on I’m a Writer But. But that’s okay, because early drafts don’t need you and your writing to fully understand each other. The two of you have to struggle together first, and over time you’ll figure out what exactly your vision is and how to achieve it.
Richard’s mindset illustrates how important it is to show up and stay curious—curious in the spark that inspires you to start drafting—and curious in yourself and your ability to create. When you embrace revision, the practice of re-looking at something in different ways, you realize that you don’t need to make sense of everything all at once, and that no effort is ever truly wasted.
Real Love: You Decide
In her essay for The Story, Clementine Ford likens writing to running. “You will sweat, you will hurt and you will wonder what the point of it all is.” But you push forward, one step at a time. And afterward, exhilarated and sore, you’ll understand that “the hard of it all is what makes the finishing so good.”
Not only does writing accept your messy, unfiltered self, but it also teaches you to love that self. So you can go ahead—light that candle, liven up your space, chase chemistry with your words—but beyond the idea of perfection, you have a real, raw relationship with writing. And I don’t know about you, but to me that’s a love worth fighting for.
Meet the blogger:
KORISSA LANGE was part of the Runestone class, Fall 2025.
